Point the pee pee down

Ok a very simple entry and a very simple solution which would have been helpful for me day one after I gave birth...but no one was inclined to tell me. It’s easy...if you have a boy, when you are changing diapers...point the pee pee down. There, done.

Sometimes you just have to hate your husband

This is a hard one to write as I don’t want people to think my husband is evil, or that he is lazy or retarded. It is actually on the contrary that I write this. You see, before I had Finn I would see women who had kids treat their husband like crap and be like - ohh what a bitch, I’d never say those things to Troy. But again, NOW I understand why.

I truly believe there is something called a ‘bitch’ hormone that lies dormant until such day as you pop out a kid. Then all of a sudden you are a raging devil woman. Sometimes things fly out of my mouth and I am like ‘have I been overtaken by Satan?’ I do honestly feel awful for Troy as I say things that are clearly off side but I truly cannot help myself.


This past weekend I had to work and so Troy had Finn all Sunday. He is a truly great dad - totally in love with le bebe and really does a great job in taking care of him. Well apparently that doesn’t matter to me anymore. I kept finding myself nit picking on little things, constantly telling him he is doing things wrong, and secretly listening in on what he is doing just in case I catch him slip up. What has happened to me?!

I think I figured it out though...it really boils down to me pining for the day that Troy will sit back after a full day with the kid and say ‘ gee honey, you truly are overworked...I had no idea this was so hard...you cleaned the house AND made dinner AND took care of the baby and you are still awake? You are truly a super woman and I never fully appreciated you until now...’ Yup, I think that is all we want from them on a day to day basis and then we might be able to sedate the hormone that is turning us into chicks with spinning heads...is that too much to ask?

A trip to the mall...aka a trip to hell

So now that I have a kid, I can no longer take a trip to the mall lightly. There needs to be preparation... bags packed, emergency diapers, receiving blankets, food for me, food for baby...it is a big hot mess. So I still can’t figure out what made me think that a trip to Barrie was a good idea at 5:30 pm last Wednesday night.

First issue...the time...This is when Finn is most fickle and it takes just the slightest mis-step to annoy him...so when he started screaming louder then I have ever heard him on the way there, I should have turned around. Second issue...lack of preparation means I forgot something important...receiving blankets...shit...Again, I don’t know why I didn’t turn around...I was just determined to not be ruled by my kid - I wanted to get to that stupid mall and shop god dammit!

Ok, so it started with the scream, then he tired himself out so much he fell asleep...bonus...but then he awoke right when we got to babies r us...yay. He was pretty good in this store, but I developed quite the arm strain carrying the stupid car seat around as it now weighs 10 tonnes (or so it feels like). There must be some super technology that someone can develop to make these items less bulky, but I digress...I guess finding a cure for penile malfunction is more important...

On my way out to the car I noticed some jack ass parked so close to me I couldn’t get Finn into his docking station so I had to covertly place him beside me in the front while I drove to another parking spot that gave me more room. Did I mention it is blizzard-y outside? Oh, ok that paints a prettier picture.

When we get to the mall I went directly to the mommy area to feed him, which I did, and which he then proceeded to barf all over me. No biggie I’ll grab a blankie...opps forgot them...I guess stiff paper towels will have to do.

Next we headed to the gap while Finn was blissfully full, so I figured I could get some clothes shopping in. Nope...he decides to empty his bowels instead. So I grabbed some jeans and hightailed it to the change room where I balanced Finn on a bench to wipe poop off his ass. All clean, but now Mr. Miserable will NOT go back in his car seat. I succumb to the crying and lay him on my coat on the floor of the gap...not winning mommy of the year here am I?

He then proceeds to poop two more times, during the corse of our stay in the gap I get to place all these stinky diapers in my purse for safe keeping...yay. Upon leaving the store he still won’t get into the car seat so I have to then carry him around with one arm while I push the stroller with the other and maneuver throughout the stores without killing anyone.

So when I finally conceded to take him home it was past his bedtime, I still haven’t eaten supper and I am so tired I can barely shuffle. I get home and warm up his dinner and start the bedtime routine only to have him decide he will not go to sleep, so I spent the next 2.5 hours going up and down the stairs, rocking him to sleep when finally at 11 pm I decide to let him cry it out while I inhale my lovely gourmet dinner of cheerios. By 11:30 I am in bed wondering what the hell I was thinking and decide to never leave the house again...

The 5 second dinner

One of the best things anyone ever told us when I were pregnant was to stock the freezer with as many meals as possible before you pop the kid out. This was so key to our survival in the first few weeks - it totally saved us! It is impossible to believe how a little being can monopolize your day in such that you basically feed them, clothe them and then burp them and by this time it is 4 pm...WTF? So when you make a meal while prego, make enough for 6 meals and freeze the rest...done like dinner.

The other thing is that really and honestly, those meals that are so nicely prepared are to be ingested in 5 seconds flat. Hmmm, strange fact but much to my dismay and surprise, Finn didn’t like to sit in his bouncer chair for more then 10 minutes...imagine that. This makes it pretty hard to have a nice meal with your hubby let alone time for you to actually eat lunch or breakfast during the day. I can’t even count how many times I shoved a muffin in my trap over the sink while balancing Finn in the other, crumbs flying and Finn winging himself in my face.


Around 2 or 3 months it got easier to co-ordinate a happy fed baby right before we ate...but many times we still sit there during dinner holding a soother in Finn’s mouth while we tried to feed ourselves. So now we have the pleasure of having a nice and relaxing 10 second meal - hoo ray!